Finding Balance

I never could have imagined that being a stay at home mom would be this trying on my emotions. I'm quite positive that I had the wrong mentality going into this. I knew two things. I was not ready to leave my sweet Bodhi and we needed to save money on childcare - two children under 5 is pricey even working in the preschool field.

Sure, I would be doing all the household things I was doing before, like laundry and cleaning, but now I would have so much time to do it since I wasn't gone 10 hours a day. I thought my house would always be clean. Boy was I wrong.

I forgot to factor in having an infant attached, to eat and just snuggle mommy, multiple times a day, or picking up the toys that are thrown all over the living room 400 times every hour.

I forgot to factor in traveling to and from Keegan's school twice a day or the extra time it takes to get ready to leave the house with an infant.

I forgot to factor in the extra time the grocery store would now take, because Bodhi is pulling something down or throwing it out of the cart and Gavin wants this or that - from every aisle.

While I forgot to factor in all of these things -  I also failed to allot time for myself. I failed to factor in the little bit of me time that came with going to work everyday or the occasional shopping trip alone. I didn't realize how important having 15 minutes alone or getting out of this house was for my sanity.

While I spend my days doing my mommy and wifey tasks - I now take 30 minutes of Bodhi's nap time to do something I want to do. This may include Youtubing, window shopping online, planning, my nails, a nap - or whatever floats my boat. Also, we spend one morning a week at our library for 'Baby & Me' and I spend way too much time aimlessly walking around Target just to get out of the house.

Anyway, the point of this post is to remind stay at home & work at home parents or spouses alike to make sure that you take time for yourself and find the balance to keep your sanity. Otherwise, you will most definitely go stir crazy!

Hugs!

Reality

My last post was about co-parenting and what I know it should and could be. This one is going to be about the reality for most people in this type of relationship.

Parts of this blog, will be ranting - so if that's not your thing, this isn't your post. Mmmmkay?! Check back next Tuesday for something a little more subdued! :) 

I want to start by saying, 'co-parenting is one of the most difficult things I have ever done - but I wouldn't change having made the decision to do so' - again. I think this is something that most step/bonus parents can relate to. I knew it was going to be a challenge (obviously two different houses have two different guidelines), but as the time goes on things should be easier. It would get easier. Time heals all wounds right? Maybe that is true in some cases, but not in so many others. 

I said in the previous post that the child's best interest should always come first and that you have to learn to put whatever disagreements, or dislikes for any party involved, you have aside and do what is best. I wish it were always that simple. I feel like some people can't look past any personal feelings to do what is best sometimes. Let's face it adulting is hard. 

I also feel that many people do not think both parents are equally important. A child needs, both, their mother and father. Yes, mothers carry and birth them, but that does not make them more important - or superior - despite popular belief. Each parent plays their own role and each parent is vital to the child. I feel I should also add that, a parent IS NOT DEFINED BY BIOLOGICAL TIES. Every child needs a mother figure and a father figure, even if it is not their "biological" one. 

Furthermore, I feel the need to reiterate that a child is not a toy to be tugged back and forth or dangled in front of the other parent to get what you want. You should not treat them as if their feelings don't matter, or manipulate any situation to accomodate your own agenda. Please refer to my fourth blurb to concrete this a little more. There should be no back and forth, or fighting  over the child - or around the child. Same goes for name calling. It is ridiculous. Are we not all "grown ups" here?!

This is where it becomes a little more personal for me. I get it. Maybe we haven't always been on the best of terms, but I'm not the devil. I just want to be another loving watchful protector for him and any other child in this twisted world. I would expect ANY bonus parent - or adult with a morals - to do this. The children are the ones who suffer in these complicated relationships. Let that sink in. Just remember, before you point fingers and say whatever it is that you are thinking, about whatever grudges you are holding, make sure your hands are clean. Take time to think about how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Everyday doesn't have to be a walk in the park, but it shouldn't feel like a cage match either. 

God knows what he is doing and obviously our children need, many watchful loving adults in their lives. Things don't need to be difficult. Sit back, relax, and embrace the life - and families - that we have all been given.

Co-Parenting

Let me start by saying, co-parenting is one of the most difficult things I have ever done - but I wouldn't change having made the decision to do so. I love Gavin, just as if he was my own. 

I knew when I got with my, now, husband that would mean learning to co-parent with his ex - and her new husband. This has been quite the learning experience for my family. While our situation is unlike others, it is alike in that aspect, so I want to talk about what I have learned in my experience.

1. The child's, or children's, best interest should always come first. You have to learn to put whatever disagreements, or dislikes for any party involved, you have aside and do what is best for them. Especially around the holidays when everyone obviously wants to spend time with the child. This does not mean arguing over who gets Thanksgiving or who gets Christmas, but compromising and ensuring the child gets equal time with both parents.

2. Remember that both parents are equally important. A child needs both their mother and father, so don't try to make one feel like they are the lesser parent. This is not the case. 

3. A child is not a yo-yo, or a boomerang. Therefore you should not treat them as if they are a toy to be fought over.

4. Even if you absolutely can not stand the other parent, you should never bad mouth or talk down on them - especially in front of the child. Children are sponges and everything you say is absorbed, which means you could be creating a bad image for the other parent, just by what you are saying. Take time to think about how you would feel if your child thought you were a bad person.

And lastly, number 5. Step-parents, or as I like to say bonus parents, usually are not the devil and you should embrace them. (Unless of course they aren't being a good influence, and in that case protect the babies!) The same rule applies to bad mouthing them - just don't do it.  Keep in mind that any parent, step or "real" could be ugly, but most are there to love and support the child(ren).

Parenting is hard work and I'm a firm believer in the phrase "it takes a village". After all, I'm pretty sure we have all wished for a second pair of hands - maybe this was God's way of giving them to us. 

Are you a bonus parent? Do you have a bonus parent in your life? I would love to hear about your experiences below.

My Moon Studios

First and foremost, I want to talk about the planner community as a whole. 90% of the women who I have come in contact with have been so sweet and generous - with a little sass of course. With that being said, today I want to take some time to talk about one in particular.

A week or two ago I won a $25 shop credit to a place called My Moon Studios on Etsy. From the beginning, I was excited because her designs were gorgeous! While I was having trouble deciding, I messaged Susan and asked her about making a semi - complicated custom order. She happily obliged!  I finished putting my order together, paid the difference and shot her a message letting her know to please message me if she was confused by any of it!

Next came the waiting period, which actually hasn't been that long! She shipped the next day, which was a Saturday, and it arrived yesterday, which was Wednesday.

Let's just say I was FLOORED when I opened the mailer! Not only did it come in a gorgeous gold mailer, with a handwritten card, but it was in a plastic sleeve as most are. That wasn't what had me so shocked. It was the stack of stickers! I was certain that I didn't order that many.

She had sent me extra sheets ensuring that my order was correct. I can't say enough about how kind that was of her. She definitely out did herself.

Anyway, if you are a planner girl you can find her shop here, and her instagram here. Seriously, go check her out. I promise you won't regret it!

Check back every Tuesday and Thursday for a new blog post - or at least that's the plan!

Learning Time Management

This morning during my normal "down time" - right after I get Keegan off to school and while Bodhi and I are having breakfast - I was watching videos on You Tube. One of my favorite You Tubers Samantha, from Happily a Housewife, posted a video with her Top 10 Time Management Tips. It really couldn't have come at a better time.

In this video she talks a lot about learning to manage your time wisely, and references being a stay at home mom with young children frequently. Going along with what I have already been attempting to do this year, I feel like it was definitely exactly the motivation that I needed. Some of these tips are things I already do - like delegating chores for the kids to do - but others were definitely things that I need to work on. 

Social media is one of those things that I definitely let take way too much of my time some days, but others it is simply me not being able to find the motivation to do things. She also talks about maximizing your most productive time, or times, of the day. For me that is during Bodhi's morning nap AND after Keegan is home from school, but before my husband gets home from work. During these times, I usually get the most accomplished however, there are some days (more frequently than not these days) that I struggle getting things accomplished because it feels so monotonous. I'm going to make a real effort to start implementing some of her tips, like using a timer on the days that I don't feel like doing anything and scheduling out my days. Hopefully this will help me learn to maximize my time and manage it wisely. 

After all, she's right each person only gets 24 hours in a day, what you do with it is up to you.

What Am I Doing?

With the new year, comes new everything usually. I'm trying to begin this year on the right track, but I'm struggling!

Since I was 16 I have worked consistently, with the exception of my first born's pregnancy - I was on bed rest from 14 weeks until after he was born. Next month is the one year anniversary of me becoming a stay at home mom. While I absolutely LOVE being able to see every single milestone that my sweet Bodhi is meeting daily, some days I find myself lost. What exactly am I doing with my days?

My planner helps me keep track of appointments, family stuff, and things that I need to get accomplished, but what about me. Besides being a mom and wife, what exactly is my purpose? That is what I need to figure out. 

Before I became a stay at home mom, I got up and got everyone ready for their days. When I was done doing that, I took myself to work being a VPK teacher. That was my norm. My routine. I knew when I had Bodhi that there would be a transitional period both with going from two to three children AND going from being a full time working mom to a stay at home mom. I never could have imagined that it would take this long. I've tried to do a few work from home type of things, but I can't find the motivation to do them - and then I feel like I've failed. 

This year is going to be all about finding myself and what I am doing.

PS. Please excuse the blog, while I get it exactly how I want it!