Mood Swings for Days

By nature I am a moody, Mellie. I know this. Most people I come in contact with, would whole heartedly agree with this statement. If they don't, well then they don't really know me. With that being said, I don't try to be moody. It's just me. I have a super low tolerance for ignorance. However, lately it has been WAY worse than normal. I don't even want to be around myself.

As of the last two years or so, I feel as if my hormones have been out of whack. Maybe this is from breastfeeding. Maybe not. Either way, I'm literally on edge all the time and my fuse has been super short. The reason I say it's my hormones making me moody, is that my face has been breaking out like a pre-teen. Seriously, I'm almost 30, my face should not be looking like this.

Now that I know the problem, how do I fix it?!

For some, the answer to this question is to go to the doctor and get a medication to balance my hormones. For me, it's not that simple. I'm very natural minded, and I want to avoid putting anything pharmaceutical into my body if I can. This means I started doing research for things I could change within my lifestyle to fix the problem. I stumbled upon this article from Wellness Mama during my search.

Source: Wellness Mama

A great deal of the things she touches on we have already implemented in our house. However, supplements, sleep, caffeine intake and exercise are all still areas that I need to improve on. (We still have a handful of nonstick pans that need to be replaced, and I've asked for those for Christmas.) Beyond that, exercise is at the top of the list for me, because I really feel like it will help me get back to a happier place.

Here's to hoping exercise will be the answer to all of my problems.

Hugs!

Building Confidence?

Building confidence is something I never struggled with until the past 5-7 years, or so. My confidence level greatly varies, based upon my weight at that time. I know it shouldn't. I'm typically a stress eater. Couple that with boredom & depression and my weight becomes a rollercoaster ride. Literally.

Right before Mike & I started dating I was finally at a point that I was happy with myself. Happy with my weight. I had busted my behind to lose almost 50 pounds and here I sit, with nearly 40 of that back on. That's a tough pill to swallow. How could I let it get to this point again?

I can't even blame it on pregnancy because 6 weeks after Bodhi was born, I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now. Boredom and being at home. That's what I'm going to blame it on. I have been careless with my eating and not making an effort to get up and sweat everyday. I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror. This morning, someone asked me if I was pregnant. That hurt. Enough to make me want to go back to working out daily, or almost daily.

Your body is a temple Sami, start treating it like one.

I've got to be a better example for my boys. I've got to get off of my bottom and shed these pounds. There isn't a reason I can think of that an excuse should be present. Too tired? Too bad. Too busy? Get up earlier/stay up later. No excuses. Period. I've got to get myself back. I have to start feeling better about myself. All of these factors directly correlate with my depression and I need to dig myself out of it. Not only for myself, but also for my family.

Hugs.

Seeking Guidance

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

This verse is one that has really stuck out to me in the most recent weeks. I am a believer, even though we as a family do not regularly attend church. Interestingly enough, my oldest currently attends a private Christian school. That's sort of off topic. *sigh*

Anywho. When I'm seeking guidance, reassurance, problem solving, encouragement or basically anything else I turn to the bible to find a verse that speaks to me.

I chose this particular verse because I needed to hear that things are going to work out and be ok. I mean, I know, they will work according to His plan, but some days I need that reassurance. I'm really struggling to find it these days.

Typically you can find the verse (or inspirational quote) written on my refrigerator, where it is in my face all day long. Side note: If you are ever wanting to know the mood I've been in, that's a good place to start.

Living in today's day and age is difficult. Raising children is difficult. Marriage is difficult. Being a blended family, that goes in three different direction, is difficult. Explaining why I say three different directions is for another day. The moral of the story is that life is difficult.

How can something so beautiful, be so difficult?

There are so many things that I wish I had the knowledge or experience to tackle and yet I, a well educated & independent young woman, find myself seemingly lost trying to sort through it. That, in itself, is proving to be difficult to digest.

I like to think that I can give the best advice & a vast amount of knowledge on a wide variety of topics, but yet here I sit. Lost. Completely, and utterly, lost. Everyone has troubled days, why is this so hard for me to swallow at this stage of my life? I have a world of questions and no answers. Why can't I just snap out of it?

Hugs.

Once upon a time...

...there was a young woman who was optimistic and full of life. Then she grew up, found a career path she loved, had a couple kids, got married and moved onto the next chapter of life. Somewhere along the way, she lost who she was. She forgot to take care of her.

My life has been a roller coaster ride for as long as I can remember and yet here I am, nearly 30, trying to figure out what happened to me. Where did I go? I don't even know myself anymore and I have no clue how to regain the balance. Shortly after Mike & I got married, I got pregnant with my sweet Bodhi. The week of Valentine's Day 2015, I left my job to prepare for Bodhi's arrival just 3 weeks later. Little did I know, that would be my last day working outside of the home in this stage of my life.

I made the decision to breastfeed Bodhi and at 2.5, he is still attached to the boob. Some days I think is ready to be done and other days it is a struggle to get him to stop asking me all day. I made the decision to wean, when he was ready, and I think that will be in the coming months as he moves into the preschooler stage of life. Why am I telling you this? Because for the last 2.5 years my life has literally revolved around having him attached to me ALL THE TIME. It is something that I chose, but it is also draining me. I love the bond it has created & I'm so glad that I have decided to take this path. The same is true of the decision for me to be a stay at home mom. This was something that Mike & I had decided together, but ultimately it was up to me. After all, I was the one giving up my ability to get out of the house 5 days a week. This would have more impact on me than I realized at the time.

Don't get me wrong I feel absolutely blessed to be able to spend my days at home with my boys, never missing a moment, but some days I'm insanely jealous that Mike gets to leave and go to work. He has an hour commute one way to work and I can't help but wish I still had one too some days. Two hours a day with no one saying "mom" repeatedly sounds like Heaven to me. I know that commuting stinks, because I did it for quite a while, but that time to just be and not be needed by anyone is necessary for me. I wish I had figured this out sooner, I probably wouldn't be in this state of mind if I had realized that throwing my entire self at taking care of my family and never taking care of me would do this.

Currently, I'm attempting to dig myself out of a depressive state. I am no stranger to depression, but I am really struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel this time. How does someone who has a beautiful family (three handsome little boys & a husband who is working to take care of us) become depressed? I'm living the dream.

Hugs!